There is a lonliness stuck between here and there in periods of life, which have wondered by in my thirtires and now taking place in my early-forties. It happens, this feeling of lonliness on Friday nights when in my twenties it was filled with phone calls to friends to set plans for the night. Those days have come and gone with aging, moving and not tuning into a new social environment.
It also occurs, for me on weekends when my wife has to work. As a result, I randomly choose what to do, when to do it and let it unfold like a pick the next chapter book you would have read as a kid.
- for capture the flag turn to page 22
- for adventure on a sleigh turn to page 32
This afternoon I find myself parking the Ford truck at Lion’s Park in St Albert. Its a place I have heard of, and driven past before but have never stoped at until today.
It is also a spot that my late boss, use to frequent for long walks on the nearby trails and self-reflection while sitting on a park bench.
This bench is dedicated to William A. (Bill) Barber December 1955 to March 2017, “An original TOB , adventurer, teller of tales, lover of life and friend to all.”
There are many more benches along the trail both here and in life. In self-reflection this afternoon, I’m pondering the thousands of choices-made which landed me in the here and now on this trail. My stomach growls urging me to seek out nourishment. And I continue to ignore it.
I can see standing before me, an inquisitively large elephant asking me to seek out others who have similar interests, and I wunder what those interests are? Or where those people would be?
I’ve been told on several occassions that I am awkward in social situations. That I need to unwind and be myself. To show people a more vulnerable side. I wonder how do I complete that objective? How do I relax for people I have just met? To unwind myself and provide details faster?
The sun is falling behind me dipping towards the horizon line as a gentle breeze brushes thru the trees. Making the leaves clatter in an eloquent cackling sound.
This reflection cannot be resolved in an afternoon, nor do I expect it to. What I hope for is kicking the feeling of lonliness in my chest and to I find the path towards building new relationships and friendship.