The Most Fabulous Gluten-Free Pizza Pies Ever! Penticton, British Columbia

Have you ever wondered what an executive traveller feels like?

To enter the West Wing building you first must play a game of hide-and-seek with locating the access keypad to swipe your keycard to enter into the building. Of course we played long enough that another visitor had to point out the location of said keypad to us, then he chuckled and said they too had a miserable time looking for it, until another kind person showed them where it was. Have a great time its gorgeous inside!

The entire foyer of the West Wing building was made from sculpted teak wood. Its clean lines running vertically. The lighting was immense, no shadows were visible on the three marble structures that double as a waiting area.

The elevator doors opened and we hopped in followed by another couple. All of us stood staring at the stark white buttons back light by a mellow blue light. All of us noticed the swipe card reader next to the buttons. “High security around these parts,” said the man standing next to us with his jet black Samsonite luggage. We all chuckled then my wife says, “did you see that foyer! Wow! That’s a lot of wood!” The guy starred blankly at us like we were now foreigners in a strange land or maybe he recognized that we both didn’t have luggage only a couple of backpacks.

Either way we rode up together until the stepped off at the third floor, “enjoy your evening,” I smirked as the pinstriped luggage carrier departed. “Up to the fifth floor madame,” I said in a thick cajun accent. She nodded her head yes, and I dapped the door closed button.

Silver doors gleamed and opened at the fifth floor, only one more above us. We were nearly in the penthouse suites.

Blankly we stepped out of the elevator, read the signage that informed there were four units to the left and another four to the right. “Eight units per floor?… this is luxurious! Six floors, eight units, that’s 48 units in this luxury wing!” I exclaimed turning past the dark green water colour that greeted us in the hallway.

A moment later we pushed open the door. This time there was no one home but us! We stepped in pushed the keycard into the wall pocket which turned the power on inside the unit. Next we flipped off our shoes and went to explore the King Suite!

Shauna ducked into the bedroom and SCREAMED… a joyous ruckus as she found the bathroom stuck midway between the bedroom and the lounge room to which I was now standing in admiring the entire unit.

Immediately to my left was a coffee station, a mini fridge and a wine rack next to it was a doorway, I presumed it to be the bathroom then Shauna popped her head out confirming my hunch. “You have to see this bathroom,” she said before I could finish gazing out across the 20 feet wide by 30 feet long space. Behind the sitting area of a couch, twin chairs and a coffee table was a three-quarter height bar siting area with three leather stools. In front of this area was a 40-inch TV mounted above an electric fire place. The entire wall facing us was 30-feet of glass overlooking a large balcony and the park across the street.

Stepping across the room, I noted the door had a lock and nothing else. That’s 5th floor security. Out on the deck we had a magnificent view of Gyro Park due south of the property! On the balcony were twin silver lounge chairs with a coffee table which housed a mini-fridge. The only annoyance being you couldn’t turn off the balcony porch light as it doubled as a security light.

“I’m famished,” she began as I started exploring the bathroom. Mable in floor heating, twin glass bowl sinks on top of a black quartz countertop, a double mirror with lights above it and around it, a makeup mirror which extended from the wood paneling wall, and the best feature of this hotel room a separate toilet closet from the luxuriously appointed glass and stone twin rain shower! Oddly enough for all of this luxury in this suite the bathroom fan wasn’t in the toilet room? but was in the area where the sinks were. “Hey, why didn’t they put a fan in the room where people take a shit?” I said out loud. She laughed they repeated her early thoughts about dinner. “I know a spot its like a five minute walk from here.”

Two minutes later we wandered out of our luxury suite and went running down the five flights of stairs until we reached the main floor then exited out the south doors onto the roadway. Across the street we past Gyro park walked one block chucked a right onto Eastbrook Avenue and found Bad Tattoo Brewing.

Once upon a time not so long ago, a guy named Dino dropped us off at this very location after a long day of driving through vineyards, sipping on wines, eating chocolates, cheese and other delicacies. On that particular day he dropped us off and we dined on the most fabulous gluten-free pies EVER created by other humans!

Tonight, we decided to repeat that experience. Somewhat.

We ordered two couple sized 12″ pizzas the Herbivore and the Forager, as well as a flight of gluten-beers for myself tonight’s sampling were the Tramp Stamp Pale Ale (5.3%), Counterflow’s Citrus Circus Hazy IPA (6.8%), Juice Bomb New England IPA (6.2%), Hazed and Confused Hazy Citrus IPA (6.2%) and Patio Pink Lemonade (4.8%). And she ordered a round of ciders!

Prior to our food arriving we had toasted and tasted every sample beer. The two of us were lighting up the patio with laughter and chatter as the strong beers and ciders were getting to our empty stomachs.

The pies arrived just in time. “Would you two like another round?” asked our server who finally noticed we existed. “Nah,” I replied with a smile, “I think we need grub more than beers.” The people being seated behind us giggled at the remark of food before liquid.

We dove in shoving two pieces onto our plates then dumping red chilli flakes and parmesan cheese. Again we toasted our drinks and shoved a piece of pie into our mouths. At the same time, we sat back, grinned and chewed our dinner.

The slices continued to be passed around the table, as we continued to demolish the flight of beers. By the end I was felling overwhelmingly good about our dinner choice. “Hey, can we put some merch on our bill?” I asked the server who had just dropped off beverages to the table behind us.

“Sure,” she replied then, “I’ll let your server know that’s what you would like to do.” Of course she didn’t inform the server who appeared with our bill. Then I had to re-explain my earlier request. She smiled and nodded that it was okay to do so.

We stood and headed for the gear shop. One trucker hat ($25) and a sampler 6-pack ($22) added to our 2-pizzas ($52) plus 2-ciders ($10) and the flight ($12.50) plus can deposits, double BC taxes and an okay tip we dropped $175.00 on the night!

Damn that’s expensive!” I laughed out loud at the merch shop clerk. He smiled as he handed us the machine to pay and I stepped out of the way. “Are you paying for this?” I said. She stepped forward and tapped her card. It was declined. They tried three other ways and each time her card was declined. “Looks like I win, after all,” she says smiling at me. Visa out, Visa down, payment excepted.

We waved good-bye and wandered out of Bad Tattoo Brewing.

~ Aaron JacksonCrabb